Why men get nervous about nerves
Monday, April 2, 2007

By Ken Burger, The Post and Courier

Men get nervous when you start talking about nerves. Especially the ones connected to our manhood.

It's a very delicate subject for men because a large part of our self-worth is directly connected to sexual performance. It doesn't matter if a man has a doctorate in physics or digs ditches for a living. We're all the same.

I'm not saying that it's right, I'm just saying that it is.

So when guys are faced with issues such as prostate cancer, where surgery could possibly diminish this capability, we start to squirm.

Personally, I've had five wives, a few girlfriends, a healthy imagination and never really worried about impotency.

But now that I've been diagnosed with cancer of the prostate and I'm the one facing surgery, I've started paying much closer attention.

If you read all the books and talk to all the experts and listen to all the stories from survivors about how prostate surgery can seriously endanger your love life, it gets a little scary.

But the good news is that the news is not all bad.

In fact, it's better than you think.

Better with age

This area of concern is all about the nerves. Not just any nerves, but the ones that control a man's erection.

Up until recently, surgeons performing prostate surgery didn't exactly know where these critical nerves were and for the most part didn't care. They just went in and took out everything to make sure they got rid of the cancer.

Nowadays, they're more careful. They know precisely where these precious nerves are and are paid a lot of money to spare them.

Believe me, no man in his right mind is looking for a discount doctor when it comes to this procedure.

That's because sex is still an important part of our lives as we mature. In fact, it gets better with age.

People tend to think it's just a young man's game, but it's not. Older men are actually better at it. We have more experience, more empathy, more time, more knowledge and more patience than younger guys.

And this is a situation where patience can be a virtue.

Ready to rumble

Nobody goes into prostate surgery believing he'll never make love to a woman again.

As a gender, we tend to be optimistic, if not egotistical, when it comes to our sexuality.

Every man who has been through this surgery believes in his heart that it's just a matter of time until the tingle comes back and he's ready to rumble.

Some have told me it only took two weeks after surgery. Some said two years. Some said it never did, but they have all kinds of pills, injections and implants that work wonders.

The problem is men are competitive. We all want to get it back faster than the other guy. And perhaps putting that kind of pressure on ourselves can work in a negative way.

Obsessing about it will only make things worse. Personally, I believe it's 90 percent mental, 10 percent medical.

The tingle will return.

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